You Were Here

Today I finally asked her out , even though its only for coffee but Im still very happy. I have been meaning to do this since the moment I first saw her in the waiting room. She was wearing a purple dress. I never knew that purple could look so beautiful until I saw her in that dress. Well, I usually don like the color purple but seeing her in that dress, I fell in love with purple and also with her. Around her my heart beats so fast that it feels like exploding . Ive always tried to be close to her but I couldn . Today when we are finally getting together face to face all by ourselves. I don know why but I can speak properly around her. We always spend more than 12 hours together but still I can tell her one normal thing , I can even ask her how she is. I always blame this damn character of mine that keeps me from being close to her.

But today I mustered up all of my courage to ask her out. But her reaction, well that wasn quite how I had expected it to be. She didn seem angry or upset or unhappy but she didn seem happy either. She looked like, I had ordered her and so she quickly agreed. I am sort of disappointed but the thought of being with her alone for a while excites me.

In the cafe, there was such a cold atmosphere between us. We were just having our coffees. I wanted to talk to her normally so bad. And she is also too much. She always talks with others so easily and amusingly, I wonder what happens to her when she is around me.

From her behavior I knew that she was just gonna sit and drink the coffee. And also she isn the desperate one here, I am. So, I think I should say something to break the ice. I was just meaning to ask how was her exam but I ended up saying , ”Marry me. ” Gosh, I really wanna slap myself in the face right now. Why on earth did I say that? I must have lost my mind to say something like that to her at the first time.

She must be thinking Im a weirdo, I can say that just by the look in her eyes. She isn the one at fault here though. After looking at me for a while she asked me what I said, I am pretty sure that she thought that she had heard me wrong. I wish she had heard me wrong. But now that the bullet has already been fired, how can I take it back? I really didn wanted to answer to that.. So I just thought of changing the topic. I told her not to be formal with me outside classroom. But as smart as she, she quickly reminded me that I hate when people talk down to me. Gosh this conversation isn going anywhere….

I tried to change the topic, but I guess I really shouldn have tried. Cause I once again asked her if she will marry me or not. I think my nervousness is taking over me. I kept quiet as she did too. Then I thought maybe its for the best. Cause anyways its true that I wanna marry her. Even though I didn want to scare her like this but now that Ive already said it , I think I should be responsible for my words.

And so I finally asked her one more time, and this time I willingly asked her. Cause I know that Ill marry her right away if she says yes. She didn say yes or no she just asked me if she should be honest or not. I told her I want her to be completely honest. Actually I was expecting an exploding reaction from her. But she just calmly asked if it was because of the rumors or not.

Well there has been a rumor going around that Im gay and I am in a relationship with Mehmed. I am the most close with Mahmed. But however I don know how, B understood my feelings for Disha instead of M. And I think its him who spread this rumor, probably trying to help me to get her or somehow to help me get involved with her. So, I don have much of a choice but saying that its because of the rumors that Im asking her to marry me.

But the reasons that I gave were ridiculous. I thought she wouldn believe it. But to my surprise she actually did. But after that when she asked me why it must be her. My heart started to beat so fast . I was afraid that she might hear it. She didn hear my heart beat but she did hear something else. She heard the truths about her best friends. Im feeling sorry for her that she had to hear it from me instead of her best friends. She must be feeling very sad. Maybe I should say sorry. But instead of saying sorry I ended up saying that its just one of the reasons why I asked her.

When she asked me what are the other reasons, I just so much wanted to tell her that I love her. I wanted to tell her that I have been loving her from the moment when I first saw her. But I couldn say it. I just said that I don know any girls apart from her and the girls from our team and thats why I asked her.

I wonder what does she think of me now. Would she think that Im a jerk or a selfish person because I will be using her for my own interest? Im so worried about what she will think of me. Well, Ive a bad habit, I really need to drink any kind of drinks whenever Im nervous. I needed to drink something but then I noticed that my cup was empty so I asked for another cup of coffee.

I couldn find anything else to talk with her but this marriage issue. So I once again asked her for answer. But instead of answering me she asked me if I loved her. And just by hearing her question ,my heart once again started to beat very fast. I wanted to tell her yes. I wanted to tell her that I love her. But I was afraid, I was afraid that she might run away if she knows about my feelings for her.

Man Im so nervous right now. And in my nervousness I gulped down half of my coffee at once. I don want to answer her so I kept quiet. But then once again she asked me, ”Do you? ” And in my nervousness I ended up saying, ”I do. ”

But I don think she got that , maybe thats why she said, ”What? ” And hearing her what I also ended up saying ”what? ” Hearing me what she asked me what I said. And in reply I asked what did she ask.

In reply to my question she repeated her question and added that a love without marrige is baseless, she also asked me if I wanted to have a contract marriage or not. I didn quite understand her and I thought that she wanted to have a contract marrige. So I asked her, but I was afraid of her answer so I apologized to her for asking her so suddenly. I asked her if she needed time. She answered in positive and asked me if I was serious about getting married. Hell no! Im not serious at all. Im just covering up my mistake. But if she says yes to my this mistake then itll be too much of a good thing.

But however I said that I was serious. Then she asked me if its not her then will it be some other girl..? ”No of course not. I am one woman man. Since I love you Ill always love you. And so of course itll be no one else but you. ” I wanted to tell these but I just ended up saying ”Yes. ” I lied. I told a very big lie. I think she minded when I said ”yes ”. Cause disappointment was clear in her eyes. She was half-heartedly taking sips of her drink from the straw, and was looking outside as if something very interesting was being displayed outside.

I changed the topic asking her about her exam. And I thought as I had told her that I would give her time for answering my question, I gave her time until Monday. She had to give me an answer after her exam on Monday. After that I drove her to her dormitory. When she stepped outside I wanted to wave goodbye, but then again my character hold me up. I just simply drove away after dropping her.