Sometimes people just like to use “I haven’t figured it out yet” as an excuse.
I keep something in my heart for a long time, make careful calculations, weigh left and right, and wait for the time, but I don’t know where the time is.
Think about it, think about it, and miss the best of times.
In fact, many things are often implemented only by an impulse, and after taking the first step, there will be many steps that follow.
It is good to have the right time, place and people, but it is also difficult to find.
Without Luo Qinghe, I would have left sooner or later.
Not tonight, it’s tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, someday.
It’s just his arrival and the information he brought that really prompted me to quickly take the “first step” that I’ve always wanted to take but didn’t dare to take.
There was everything in the old house, so I packed some seasonal clothes and rummaged through the corner of the drawer to find an old ID card.
Two years ago, I thought my ID card was lost, so I went to replace it with a new one, but the old one was found a few days later, and I now have two ID cards.
Song Bai Lao withheld my ID, and it will take some time to renew it, so let’s use it for emergencies.
I packed my luggage, rested for a while, and finally took a look at the house.
I carried the suitcase and went out the door.
I can’t take the diary with me over the years, and I still keep it in the house.
When I settle down later, maybe I can ask Liang Qiu Yang to send it to me.
I called a car to the bus station.
On the way, I sent a message to Liang Qiu Yang, saying that I had divorced Song Bai Lao, and I was going to leave Xiangtan to go to another city to see him.
Liang Qiu Yang should have slept and didn’t answer me.
When I got to the bus station, it was only four hours before I left the Song house.
There was no one in the ticket hall in the middle of the night.
The conductor asked me where I was going.
After thinking about it, I bought a ticket for the nearest train to Manshui.
I have always wanted to go to a warmer place.
Mangshui is in the south of Xiangtan.
It is a hilly city.
The four seasons are like spring and the sun is shining, which is very suitable for living.
There, I should be able to start my new life.
Aunt Jiu had been calling me on her landline since two hours ago.
I didn’t answer and dragged the number into the blacklist.
Maybe I sensed something was wrong.
When I was about to get into the car, the phone vibrated again, indicating that Song Bai Lao was calling.
I hesitated for a few seconds, but finally took it.
“Where are you?” As soon as he was connected, Song Bai Lao’s tone was bad and his breath was rough, “What do the things on the table mean?”
It seemed that he had already discovered the two divorce agreements.
“That’s what you saw.”
“Did Luo Qinghe tell you something?” There was a sound of paper scattered from the other end, “I won’t sign it, you can come back to me now!”
The passengers going to Mangshui have already begun to line up, I don’t have much time to continue this call.
Standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, across the glass, there are rows of neatly parked buses under the night.
The lights flashed, the engine started.
When the time is up, I’ll take one of these cars away from here and start my new life.
“I’m not your slave, I have a free personality, and I also have the right to leave you at any time.”
There was a loud noise from the other end, it seemed that Song Bai Lao smashed something in anger, or kicked over some furniture.
“Are you so impatient to leave me?” He gritted his teeth, furious.
I clenched my phone tightly and didn’t answer him, but asked another question: “That day…you asked me that way in the hospital because you knew I had a child and wanted to confirm my attitude in advance?”
The other end suddenly became quiet, and it was clear that I was in a public area, and the voices were noisy, but at this moment, it seemed as if I had entered a separate confined space, and I couldn’t hear anything.
After a long time, he spit out a word clearly.
I blinked and asked him again, “Is my attitude in line with your heart?”
This time he was silent for a longer time, if it weren’t for the sound of slow breathing coming from the opposite side, it was like the phone suddenly disconnected.
“You can’t have this child,” he said.
“Since you didn’t want it in the first place, it’s okay to kill it.”
His voice went from anger to calm, even to the tiredness.
The palm of my hand tingled for a while, and I suddenly recovered, only to realize that I unconsciously clenched the injured hand.
I released it quickly, and there was no sign of the wound bursting on the surface, but there was still a dull knife-like pain in the palm of my hand.
This is the truth.
He will not leave my children seven years ago or seven years from now.
Because I wasn’t expected, and because I wasn’t what he wanted at all.
If I were an Omega like Zhu Li, maybe he would still obey his biological instincts, and feel more pity for me.
But I’m not, I’m just a Beta, unmarked, bland Beta.
He didn’t want mine from the beginning, and he said he didn’t want my child.
What the hell am I expecting?
The only thing I don’t understand is that if you hate me so much, why do you keep me by your side?
Go to his ego.
“Ha, I’m really sorry.” I said to the other end of the phone without hesitation, “Those words are all lies to you, I will not kill this child.
I will give birth to him, but he has nothing to do with you, he’s just my child.”
Song Bai Lao seemed to be stunned by me: “Wh…” His tone suddenly became hurried, “You… don’t you want to kill this child? Ning Yu, what are you going to do? Are you here? Where? Where are you going to Ning Yu?”
I took off my phone, and amid Song Bailao’s constant questioning, I cut off the phone and turned off the phone.
Boarding the bus, shaking all night, and waking up in the hazy morning sun the next morning, you are already in the Manshui boundary hundreds of kilometers away from Xiangtan.
After getting out of the car, I went straight to the convenience store and bought a new calling card.
Mango fruit is like spring all year round, and the climate is very pleasant.
I was wearing an early autumn windbreaker, and I felt hot when I walked back and forth for two steps.
I found a real estate agent and told them I wanted to rent a house that I could move in right away.
“Mangshui is a hilly city.
The roads are very undulating, and the distance between houses is also very narrow.
In some places, only one car can travel together, and there are many small alleys.” The Beta agent wearing a black suit showed me several sets.
When I rented a house, he knew that I was from a foreign country, and they were guides for me while watching, introducing the customs of Manshui.
“Manshui people are very comfortable.
The shop closes early at 5 or 6 o’clock, and only opens at 9 in the morning.
I don’t know if everyone can make money.”
The roads are all old roads, paved with blue bricks with a sense of age.
The luggage is dragged from the top, and the wheels are making a lot of noise.
It is the only sound in the quiet streets in the afternoon.
Finally, the agent stopped in front of a small door between a bakery and a flower shop and took out the key to open the door.
“Please first, don’t look at the old building, it is very convenient downstairs, there is a bakery when you go out, and there is a small convenience store opposite.”
As he said, the building is relatively old, and only one person can walk on the stairs.
Fortunately, the rental house is on the second floor, which is quite convenient.
The house is not very spacious, with one bedroom and one bathroom, small kitchen and living room, no dining room, but enough for one person.
What I am most satisfied with is that there is a large terrace outside the balcony door, with many plants and many flowers.
“These are all grown by the landlord.
If you rent this room, I can explain to you first that these flowers can’t be moved.
The landlord said it is precious.” The agent asked me to look downstairs, “This large terrace is actually the bakery downstairs.
The roof and bakery are all open for morning business, so it might be a little noisy in the morning, but you don’t sleep on the terrace, so it should be fine.
How? Are yousatisfied ?” Rented this house.
Before leaving Xiangtan, I took out all the cash I could withdraw.
I packed half a backpack, paid the rent for one season, and saved the rest, which should be enough to support my living expenses for the next year.
After signing the rental contract, the agent left me the key and left.
The furniture in the house is ready-made, but there are no daily necessities and no cleaning tools.
Checked the nearby large supermarket, just around the corner not far from here.
With the keys, I head out.
The sun is soft and warm on the skin, without tingling, and it is very cool to walk into the shadows.
Street cafes sit with customers chatting in low voices, lampposts full of flowers.
As I imagined, it is very comfortable here, perfect for me who wants to escape from the past.
I bought a lot of things in the supermarket.
Because one hand is not easy to handle, I even bought a small cart.
When walking out of the supermarket door, the paper bag in the hand of a customer in front suddenly burst, and the fruit he bought fell on the floor.
The other party was a middle-aged man in his 40s and 50s, wearing wide t-shirt pants, his long messy hair was tied up casually, and his face was unshaven.
I picked up the fruit who rolled to my feet, and handed it back to him.
He thanked him one after another, but because the bag was torn, he couldn’t put it in, and he was a little distressed at the fruit.
I then noticed that there was a triangular cane standing beside him, which seemed to be inconvenient for his legs and feet.
“I have extra bags here, you can use them.” I have a car anyway, so I don’t need so many bags.
“Really? It’s great, thank you…” His voice paused, and after a long time it sounded again, “Thank you…”
I gave him a bag, and when I saw him staring at me, reluctantly, he touched my face.
“Do we know each other?”
The uncle blinked and laughed: “No, no, I just see you up close, look at it more.” He asked me, “Aren’t you a local?”
Putting the fruit back into the bag, I walked side by side with him to the curb.
When walking, he dragged his left foot and seemed unable to bend freely.
It was not known whether it was temporary or lame.
“No, I just got here today.”
The uncle is very chatty and witty, and we have traveled a long way without realizing it.
Turning the corner, the sign of the bakery was in front of him, and the uncle said, “My house is here.” He pointed to the bakery in front of him, “I live there.”
I was really surprised that such a coincidence happened.
“I live there too.”
The uncle was stunned for a moment, but quickly responded: “You rented it out across the street?”
I smiled and nodded: “Well, I rented it today.”
After a long time, it was a neighbor.
We both stopped in front of the iron gate, and he took the key and opened it, blocking it for me so I could carry things up.
With the concerted efforts, my carload of goods finally moved into the house.
Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I saw the uncle slowly come upstairs with a cane, hurriedly stepped forward to take the bag in his hand, and carried it upstairs for him.
“Are you alone?” He forgot to look at the empty rental house behind me, “Would you like to come to my house for dinner at night?”
His character reminded me of Liang Qiu Yang, hospitable and big-hearted.
I’m not very good at rejecting others, but I don’t want to trouble them, so I’m a little embarrassed.
He patted me on the shoulder: “Don’t do this and that, I’ll call you after dinner later, so I’ll take it back as your favor.”
I coughed lightly and had to agree.
The uncle said that his surname was Xiao and his name was Yu, and he asked me to call him Lao (referring to the same age people in a more casual way)Xiao.
I thought Lao Xiao was a little rude, so I called him Uncle Xiao instead.
Xiao Yu is a Beta and doesn’t know what job he does, so he says that he usually picks up odd jobs and can barely get by.
He has lived in Mangshui for more than ten years and knows this area very well.
I asked him if he knew where there was a clinic nearby.
He glanced at my hand and said that the place where he did physiotherapy was not far from here, and he would take me there tomorrow.
After dinner, I thanked him and went back to my room.
Tidy up and clean up until midnight.
It may be that the physical exertion is too much, and I slept directly until the next day.
I thought about my appointment with Xiao Yu yesterday, and after hurriedly washing up, I knocked on the door opposite.
“Come on.” Xiao Yu’s legs and feet were bad, and it took two minutes to arrive at the door.
“I guessed it was you.” When he saw me, he laughed, the fine lines at the corners of his eyes extended to his temples, but they didn’t look old, but showed a mature and handsome charm.
“Thank you.” I thanked him again.
Xiao Yu waved his hand, closed the door, and motioned for me to go downstairs: “No trouble, it just so happens that I have physiotherapy today.”
He led me for twenty minutes, walking through the streets, to a small clinic.
The clinic has two floors.
It is different from the small clinic I imagined.
The windows are bright and clean, the bright incandescent lamps are also turned on during the day, and there is a special reception desk.
The nurse at the front desk was very familiar with Xiao Yu, so he directly let him go to the second floor.
The second floor was divided into small compartments.
Xiao Yu was familiar with the door and opened a compartment.
The two older doctors looked up from the newspaper and helped their glasses.
“Xiao Xiao, you’re here again.” The old doctor with a hunchback stood up, “Do you feel better?”
Xiao Yu sat on the bed and took off his sympathy: “It’s better, it’s not so good on rainy days.
Doctor Zhao you are awesome!”
The old doctor laughed when he heard this.
Xiao Yu was lying on the physiotherapy bed naked.
I accidentally caught a glimpse of his lower abdomen, which seemed to have the same scar as mine, and unconsciously touched his abdomen.
“What is this kid looking for?” Another male doctor who was a little younger than Dr.
Zhao, but also in his 60s, came to me, looked at me and said, “Watching hands?”
Xiao Yu was lying on the physiotherapy bed.
The voice was muffled: “This is my neighbor.
Doctor Tang, please take a good look at him.”
“Don’t move.” Dr.
Zhao took out his own row of fine needles.
On the rain, his hands did not tremble at all.
I was a little nervous: “I didn’t come to see the hand.
I’m pregnant, but this is not my first pregnancy, and I don’t know how I’m pregnant again…”
Doctor Zhao suddenly scolded: ” I told you not to move!”
“No…” Xiao Yu struggled to get up, staring at me in astonishment, his voice raised involuntarily, “Ning Yu, are you pregnant?!”
I scratched my face a little embarrassedly: “Yes…”
Tang was also well-informed, so he wasn’t too surprised, he gave me a list and asked me to do an examination first.
Xiao Yu stopped doing physiotherapy.
He accompanies me for examinations, and runs for me.
After the results came out, Dr.
Tang sat in front of the computer, frowning at the film on the screen, looking very pessimistic.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Xiao Yu stood behind him, watching together, his tone a little anxious.
Tang looked at me: “Your previous child was miscarried?”
I wringed my hands and sat across from him: “The labor was induced when it was five months old.”
“What did the doctor who induced the labor for you think? Take out the sac together?”
Zhao said on the side: “Do you think he is young and don’t want to deprive him of the right to have a life?”
Tang angrily smashed the mouse: “It is a fart! This is a quack doctor, waste of life! Beta’s fertility, the sac is very fragile and cannot be used a second time at all.
This is too dangerous, and it is usually removed after giving birth.
Although you induce labor, you still have an incision.
The fertility sac has been ruptured and cannot last full term, I advise you to give up this child.”
As soon as I heard this, my heart sank to the bottom, and I bit my lip and said, “Is there no other way? I really want to… save this child.”
“Even if you work hard enough to be able to have a caesarean section, then In six months, anything can happen in six months.
Are you going to risk your own life?”
Even if he said so, I was still reluctant to give up the slightest possibility: “It will only last more than four months, Isn’t it okay now? Maybe, maybe my physique is good, and everything will be fine?”
Tang looked at me seriously: “I advise you to go back and think about it calmly.
Although the child is a pity, your Life is also very important.”
I was full of eagerness, but now the doctor’s words just poured a chill into my heart.
On the way back, Xiao Yu might have been afraid that I would be uncomfortable at first, so he didn’t take the initiative to speak up.
He didn’t ask me carefully until he reached the door of the bakery.
“Well… do you want to tell your partner about your situation? How can he let you run out alone?”
I shook my head: “I divorced him.”
Xiao Yu was quiet, his expression changed slightly: “That child.
He doesn’t want it either?”
It should be said, he never wanted it.
I laughed dryly: “I didn’t marry him because of ‘love’.
He… doesn’t like me, and doesn’t want to be with my children.”
Xiao Yu frowned: “Does he not like you? His eyes… Is he? His eyes are not very good, you are so good, how could he not like you?”
I’ve only known him for two days, but he started to fight for me as if he had watched me grow up.
This experience is very rare, it makes people feel warm, and even the dullness and unhappiness along the way seem to dissipate a little.
“There are a lot of people who like him, how can he like me.” I opened the door with the key and went upstairs with him one after the other.
“That’s how he is!”
When I got to the door of the room, I saw that his face was still not very good, as if he was angry, and I comforted him amusingly: “He is a jerk, don’t be angry.
I dumped him, I didn’t want him.
He don’t like me, and I don’t like him either!”
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