If I Can’t Be Your Wife

If he had answered that it was just natural to save the lives of commoners as a duke, she would not have believed it.
Kathleen was already well aware that the man named Alexis Walten was insensitive to such duties.
Even though it was the most ideal answer required of him as a member of the imperial family or as a high-ranking noble.

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So, there was little chance that the words he came up with were simply a plausible excuse.

 

‘Try.’

 

He just wanted my attention, so he did charity work using donations for things that he had not cared about in his life.

 

“I hope this can be an excuse for you to look at me.”

 

They said that on the battlefield, he cut off the head of the enemy without blinking an eye.
That person is waiting for my answer as if he was begging?

 

“I can do anything you want.
If you want, aside from supporting the protected area, we can also set up a separate shelter in the Duchy.”

“You will really do that for me?”

“Yes.”

 

Alexis Walten, who took my child out in the middle of the night to play with him, introduced me as his wife in front of others, presented me with a new dress, and even continued my charitable work that he hadn’t paid much attention to before. 

 

It was all so confusing.

 

But the strangest thing was that, as time went by, whenever she saw him like that, her heart couldn’t help but be shaken.

 

‘It could be because of the poison.’

 

What if he developed feelings for me but didn’t realize that it was because of the poison?

And what if he realizes his mistake and regrets it later?

 

She remembered Alexis holding her child with affection, even though he knew that the child was someone else’s child.
The story of his childhood, everything that happened in the empress’ palace, and the story of how he remembered her while she was still a new maid crossed her mind.

 

Deep in her heart, the thought of wanting to trust him carefully reared its head.

 

Kathleen was startled by the thoughts that came to her subconsciously.
The fact that she thought she could erase all her resentment towards him.
Self-loathing overwhelmed her.

 

“I, I should get going.”

 

She hurried past him and left the library.
Behind her, she heard the sound of the door that had yet to close, open again.
Alexis seemed to be following her.

 

She thought that she should no longer see him.
Kathleen almost ran up the stairs.

 

“Ah!”

 

She then bumped into a maid, who was moving a large box.
The box fell from the maid’s hands, and the lid got detached.
Women’s clothing spilled out.

 

“S-Sorry.
Madame! I should have looked where I was going, are you okay?”

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“I’m fine.”

 

Fortunately, the box missed and she was not hurt.
But just when she was about to move along, brushing away the dust that had fallen on her…

 

A glove that fell on the red carpet caught her eye.
A sophisticated white-laced glove used for social events.

 

“That…”

 

“Ah, these are the items that were kept in the local estate.
I was bringing them with me because the butler has to go through them and decide what to do with them.”

 

Then these must have been the clothes prepared for the mistress that was hidden in the estate…

 

Kathleen bent over and picked up the glove.
She then noticed the Walten crest embroidered on its wrist. 

 

Her hand holding the glove began to tremble.

 

According to imperial law, only members of the family were allowed to wear objects that have the family crest engraved on them.
A person outside the family could not own the object.
It was the same no matter which empire it was.

 

No one in Walten could wear such women’s gloves. 

 

Except for the Duchess, Kathleen.

 

“……Do you know when this was stored?”

“I heard it was before I came in.
One moment.”

 

The maid said as she picked up the lid of the box and checked the paper attached to it.

 

“It was four years ago, Madame.”

 

Her eyes grew hot and her neck stiffened.
Kathleen could barely give strength to her staggering legs.
She came closer and pulled out the clothes that were contained in the box.

 

They were all women’s clothes.
Although they were not expensive or flashy, there were a variety of social and everyday clothes that could be decently worn.
Among them, there were several pairs of gloves engraved with patterns.

 

Now that she could no longer use her ability, she rarely wore a pair.
However, in the past when she still had difficulty controlling it, she always had to wear one as a necessity when going out.

 

She could feel the tightening in her chest forming again.
Then, something grabbed the hand that was gripping the glove.

 

It was Alexis who had chased after her from the library. 

 

He raised her up, and neatly fixed her folded skirt and turned to the maid.

 

“What are you doing not picking up what you dropped?”

“Oh, yes! I’m sorry, Master.”

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At his fierce gaze, the maid hurried around, picking up the clothes on the floor and putting them in the box.
Kathleen bit her lip and looked down at the glove.

 

“Give it to me.”

 

Alexis held out his hand.

 

“It’s an old glove.”

 

They were meant to be put away because they were things that were no longer needed.
If she pretends that she doesn’t know, then that would be the end of it.
He didn’t seem to have any intention of explaining anyway.
She can just move on as if nothing had happened.
The past of him hiding another woman in a local estate and treating his wife coldly can be used as a good reason for divorce. 

 

So, just let it go, like there’s nothing….

 

But the old question that lingered on the tip of her tongue failed to subside and eventually spilled.

 

“Whose are these?”

“What?”

“I saw the ledger before.
Among the items sent down to the local estate were women’s clothing.”

 

She held it out to him, with the engraving clear on the glove’s wrist.

 

“Is it mine?”

“……”

“Tell me.
Please.”

 

Her heart was pounding.
What if he says yes? No, what if he denies it?

 

She was afraid of the answer she would get either way.
But still, she wanted to hear it.

 

“Yes.
They’re yours.”

 

An affirmation.

 

“The dresses, the gloves, and the jewelry, they’re all yours.”

 

Kathleen slumped down as her legs became weak.
The tears that she had been holding back finally fell.

 

“Kathleen?”

 

He grabbed her by the shoulders, rattled, but Kathleen poured out her resentment.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Surely I asked, didn’t I? Rumors were spreading that you had a mistress… So I asked you to answer me…”

 

If they weren’t true, then you should have just said that it was a misunderstanding.

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“Did you think that there was no need to tell me because it was a contractual marriage?”

 

Alexis grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

 

“Answer me.”

 

The hand that tried to push him away kept slipping.
As Kathleen sobbed, Alexis said.

 

“I didn’t know I loved you then.”

 

His hand caressing her back was careful.

 

“I thought I shouldn’t trust you.
So I let you misunderstand.
I thought it was more convenient to use you.
But not anymore, Kathleen.
I was all wrong.
There was never a mistress.”

 

She could feel his heart racing in his chest, hugging her tightly as if he was afraid that she would crumble into pieces.
Then, a confession that only she could hear.

 

“You’ve always been the only one.”

 

As an emergency countermeasure, those things were prepared so that they could live comfortably if they were to go down to the local estate.
All of the castles within the Duke’s territories were equipped with things that Kathleen Walten could use.

 

She couldn’t stop shedding tears as her resentment and regret mixed.
Her feelings, which she thought had vanished, were just hiding within her core, but had now revealed themselves again.
Her white hand, which was holding Alexis’ collar, gradually began to gain strength.

 

Then her arms slowly wrapped around Alexis’ back.
His arms that embraced her in response, were as warm as she had long hoped for.

 

***

 

After sitting on the marble floor in front of the stairs and crying for a long time, Kathleen was exhausted and unable to move.
Alexis didn’t leave her side even after he picked her up and carried her into her bedroom.

 

“Please leave.”

 

She didn’t like her cracked voice.
Her face must have been a mess too, so she was about to turn to the other side when Alexis grabbed her shoulders and stopped her from moving.

 

“Don’t turn around.
I want to see your face.”

“I want to rest.”

“You can rest like this.”

“…..”

“You don’t want to see me?”

“……”

“Okay.
Then I’ll leave so you can rest.
Will you be okay in a fortnight or so?”

“…… A fortnight?”

“I won’t appear in front of you.”

 

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He got up as if he was about to leave.
She hated it.
She was terrified as she recalled the figure of him turning away from their conversation.

[T/N: I believe she’s referring to the scene in the synopsis]

 

She grabbed hold of the hem of his sleeve, but his body staggered and fell on her.

 

“You don’t want me to?”

 

The eyes looking down at her were calm.
She felt like she was trapped by his huge body, and she gasped for air.

 

As a moment of silence passed, his hand ran across her cheek.

 

“I don’t want to leave, but I will if you tell me so.”

 

His fingertips felt strangely warm as they brushed past her cheek then to her ears.

 

“I want to do what you tell me to do, but I’m afraid I’ll foolishly misunderstand .
So tell me properly.”

 

Can I trust you?

The answer is already there, but I keep asking.
Even though it was the answer I’ve been hoping for since I first left you.

 

“Do you really love me?”

“Yes.”

 

The answer was quick, as if he would not allow even the slightest doubt.

 

“So much so that I want to kill the previous me.”

 

Seeing the silver eyelashes quivering, Alexis lowered his head, kissed her eyelid, and whispered.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Kathleen bit her lip as he said those words.
Her reaction seemed far greater than when she heard his confession of love.

 

“You can do whatever you want until your anger is relieved.”

 

He slowly got up.

 

“As long as you stay by my side.”

 

Alexis touched her ear with a warm hand.
He was really going to do whatever Kathleen wanted.
Except allowing her to leave him for that b****rd.

 

Yes, everything would be fine except for that.

 

As if to remind him of that decision, the magic crystal earrings hanging from Kathleen’s ears shone faintly.