MY HEART: Who are you bluffing, or you or I am telling me?…
ME: I don know… All I know is I don know, but Im scared and I miss who loves me, I want love to love me.
MY HEART: From… Do you want love to love a mentally ill person, I can believe you, Jayved, how can love be allowed to hear what you love, no one will accept you, not me.
ME: What if it happens?
MY HEART: Theres going to be a disaster of the dangerous kind thats going to be destroyed again, and if that happens, I swear you
e going to kill yourself.
Tell me … tell me pleas … pleas What am I going to do, I don want to die all I want is someone who wants me, but what if he just wants to empty his lust for me, like a cheap garbage bag Im tired of writing and writing what I feel, Im lost in this life, I don know what I want, do I take revenge, fall in love or kill myself, I don know, and I don want to know, put fate, my heart, determine what Im going to do first.
MY HEART: But who is the person you love?
ME: All Im going to say is shes not a girl, But who … Who I love, who I want him to love me, not a girl, I don know,
I was confused, and the neighborhood made me feel another wound, I don know how to deal with it, you know, dear reader, I don feel anything anymore A few days later, I found out I was gay, and here everything will be clear to me, and the pain will increase… Another pain.
AND THATS WHERE THE TORMENT WILL GO
My view of myself in the mirror changed, my outlook changed when I saw people, but I am still influenced by their words, the hellish changed from fire to lava, it got worse, but my fear of love changed and came to its place complaining, I no longer trust anyone after what happened to me but my view of men changed and this is something strange I have never felt in my life.
I knew the truth about the pain, but after a rough time, and after hallucinogenic things, I thought I was crazy, My situation is getting worse and I don know why from here I no longer changed from bad to worse, because of love I will go beyond the limits of religion or religion, it has become realistic and terrifying …
AND THATS WHERE STARTED A SCREAMING.
And in moments when my pain ended with suicide in the seconds of the end, my heart beat in a hurry as a message I didn know, and I swayed to walk like an unconscious or like a dancer walking on a path of lava, drowned in the blood of feelings, its unbelievable, its like a nightmare you
e afraid of, but you dream of it all night long of panic, and Im dead ignorant of it, Im dead like the death of the earth in the eyes of emptiness, That one day her redness will be ruined … The emptiness is filled with nothing but sadness and pain, everything that is poison for feelings and the heart, it just hurts, and I can barely get that poison out.
Thats whats happening to me, Im afraid in my conscience of death, in the land of the mountains of oppression, I wish for a watershed point that separates me and those who claim this torment.
Its there that you don see him, I just look at him, he scares me and follows me wherever I go and go, you don know him, I run away from him a little bit when Im asleep for five minutes and he chases me even in a dream, even when Im a little far from the truth, I can take a break from him, hes like a thief of time, he steals moments, hes a quick hypocrite, thats all. I wish for a way out of everything, a way out of the end of every pain Everything is exhausting, and so is death.
I look at one thing, my hand, the thing Im focusing on, stretched out in someones body that I can lift to touch my face, and I sense my face, as usual, this is different from the previous different, I wish the director would be close to me, maybe so, look dear reader of the sky what do you see, I see it as unclear as red after thing, as if it represents my desperate life, I breathe without feeling that I eat without my lust for food terrifying that I have turned into the living dead, But theres one thing I feel I feel like they
e two, its … They
e movements that I don know what they suggest, they
e a place of voices I feel it yes … I do.
Those sounds I hear, they make me feel love, they make me feel it, yes I feel it, Those voices make me humane, I don feel lonely when I hear them, are they the director I wished for? , Im good at these voices.
What those dancing movements that make me feel like, they make me warm, when I move as those movements move, I touch the air and I feel it in my lungs, its pure With the amazing melodies that color my pale life.
Dear reader, I found the reason for living in life, I found it to be very beautiful, but not love, but something more beautiful than it after the thing, I found myself in it and I promise you, dear reader, whatever the adversities, I will not abandon them, those dance movements and those denominators of voices, I will not abandon the reason for my life.
I learned something and I want you to know it, stay alive, dear reader, for one thing, which will make you want to live, hold on to it well.
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