NO! PAPA NO! by Maria Kajiwa

Warning: The main theme of this story is sexual abuse towards minors.
There are also descriptions of graphic violence, blood, incest ,animal violence and curse words.
I didn’t put any other warning along the story, but do tell me if I should add them.
The words that are in italics are originally in English and I just did some minor adjustments to them.
That’s all, read at your own risk.

It was 7 pm and the day was getting dark.
The living room was dimly lit as the natural light slowly disappeared.

“No! No! No! Papa, No!” A little, around the age of five, was screaming and crying on the bed.
Despite her long and painful screaming, nobody seemed to notice nor respond to her.

On top of her, a man with a big build was crushing her without sympathy.
With the difference in their size, the man had no problem suppressing the struggling little girl.
The door to the room slowly closed as the girl’s pitiful screaming bleed through the door and the scene changed.

Noni blinked.
She had been sitting in front of the TV since an hour ago, watching the movie.
The movie was about a little girl.
In Noni’s eyes, the little girl is very cute, with her curly blonde hair and her clear blue eyes.
She didn’t understand why the little girl kept screaming but listening to it broke her heart.
Poor girl.

Without Noni’s realization, she was being watched by someone behind her.

“Where’s mama?” Papa stepped into the living room.
He looked around, searching for any other presence in the room.

Startled, Noni turned around and with a big smile, she replied, “Mama went to her baking class.”

“Noni didn’t accompany Mama? Where is big sister? Did she go out with mama?” Papa walked around and halted his step right in front of a window.

He slowly peeked behind the curtain and once again, his eyes examined the small living room.

“Sister went out with Mama.”

Noni continued watching the movie.
The little girl now had grown up and her long hair was cut short.
Her face didn’t look as cute as before.
Her eyes only showed painful emotion.
Noni started to feel bored.
She wanted to see that little girl again but she knew it was just a movie.
Disappointed, Noni finally paid attention to her exercise book that was left open in front of her.

The homework from kindergarten was barely touched.
Noni was lazy to finish it.
What a boring thing to do.
All she needed to do was just to write the ABCs, repeatedly.
Her fingers hurt.

Suddenly, Noni felt her head being petted.
Papa’s hand kept petting her head before resting on her shoulder.
Her eyes went to look at Papa who was already sitting beside her.
Noni knew that Papa just arrived home from work.
He looked tired but also smelly.

“Noni, what are you watching?” Papa’s eyes turned to look at the TV.

Noni just shrugged her shoulder.
She didn’t even know what she was watching.
She only wanted to see the little cute girl.
Sadly the little girl was already gone.
But Noni just remained silent.

Papa suddenly took her exercise book.
His eyes stared deep into the mostly blank exercise book.

“Why don’t you do the exercises? Your teacher might scold you later.”

Papa kissed her head while his hand continued petting her hair softly.
He drew her head close to his warm chest.

Noni felt uncomfortable.
She pulled her head and took back her book from Papa’s hand.

Papa’s hand once again went towards the book but ‘accidentally’ caressed her exposed thigh under her skirt.

“Let me teach you how to write the letters properly.” Papa scooted closer to her.

Noni held her breath.
The smell of cigarettes made her nauseous.
She hated it.
Sadly, she can’t move away as Papa’s left hand was placed on her back.
His right hand stayed on top of her lap, slowly moving around her thigh.
Noni felt sick.
She pushed away Papa’s hand.

Papa turned his head towards the front door, making sure it was properly locked.
After he was convinced that nobody can enter the house, he looked back at Noni who was doing her homework.
Silently, his hand went towards her head again.
His fingers played with her brown hair, placing it behind her ear.
Showing off her smooth white neck.

“Noni.”

Noni, with hatred in her heart, turned to look at him.
She hated his touch.
It was so annoying and it also didn’t help that his mouth smelled bad.
She was ready to get inside her bedroom before he suddenly grabbed her small hand.
Noni felt like her bone was about to break.

“Papa wanted to teach you something new.
You will definitely like it,” he said while pulling her down on top of the carpet.

Noni was confused.
She tried to stand up when he roughly pushed up her skirt.
Noni panicked.
She remembered the scene in the movie she just watched.

“No, Papa! No!” Noni screamed out despite knowing that those words are useless when Papa had turned into the man in the movie.

Noni screamed, just like the cute girl did.
But as time goes by… her voice started to get smaller before everything turned into silence.
She had no more energy left in her small body.
Now she knew why that cute girl screamed so loud like that.
Her tears fell, for her and for that cute girl.

After half an hour, Noni was sprawling on the carpet.
She was hurting all over her body and her mind was hazy.
The feeling of disappointment that she felt just made her already hazy mind even more confused.
There was no more light in her eyes.

“Don’t tell Mama, okay? If she knows, Papa will send you back to the orphanage.
Then you can’t get new clothes or go to school anymore.
Even Mama will just leave you there.”

Papa lighted up a cigarette.
He inhaled into it deeply before exhaling with satisfaction.
Smokes came out of his mouth and nose, stinking up the place.
Standing up, he walked into the master bedroom and closed the door.
It wasn’t long before the sound of the toilet’s door colliding with the wall was heard.
Papa was taking a shower.

Back to the orphanage? Can’t stay with Mama anymore? Or go to kindergarten? Or even meeting her friends? Many things swirled around Noni’s mind.
All those thoughts made Noni feel sick.
Finally, with what little energy was left in her body, Noni pulled herself up from the carpet.
Dragging her body, she forced herself into her bedroom before falling straight onto her bed.

She closed her eyes, trying hard to forget the scene she watched in the movie.
Trying to forget everything Papa did to her.
She tried to forget everything he did, but never the man himself.

The memory kept playing in her head as if somebody just pushed the replay button and she couldn’t stop it.
Noni cried her heart out.
For herself and again, for the cute little girl.

7 p.m, in the backyard, behind the kitchen area.
The sky was dark like it might rain soon.

“Argghhh!” Big sister screamed while running around, searching for Mama and Papa in the living room.

Hearing the scream, Mama and Papa quickly turned their heads.
Their eyes went toward the horrified big sister before following her into the kitchen.
When they reached the backyard, Mama gasped, her eyes widened in horror.

“My God! Noni! What are you doing?!” Mama shouted.
In a flash, she grabbed the bloody knife in Noni’s hand.

Big sister hid behind Mama while Papa just stayed silent.
In the chaotic moment, Noni just lowered her head, looking at the, now, dead male cat.

She just finished cutting and slicing the cat.
Doing it slowly as if she was trying to savor the moment.
She pulled out its heart and gutted the rest of its organs.
It was a bad cat. Bad, papa! Bad! her heart chanted.

Earlier that morning, Noni heard the neighbors talking about the male cat eating its’ own newborn kitten.
Noni didn’t like it. Bad! Bad papa cat! So, when she saw the cat walking across the back door, Noni gave it some leftover fish to lure it towards her.
While the cat was eating, Noni swiftly stabbed it with the knife.
Now, there is no more bad papa cat.
Noni was happy.

“Blech!” Mama vomited on the sink, disgusted by the smell of fresh blood flowing in the gutter.
Or maybe she was disgusted by the horrifying look of the mangled corpse that barely resembled a cat.
Or maybe she was too shocked seeing what Noni had done.

Noni just smiled happily. No more bad papa cat! she thought.

“Enough! Get inside!” Mama scolded.
She harshly grabbed Noni’s arm and dragged her straight into the bathroom.

Noni slowly undressed.
She watched silently as the cat’s blood washed down from her cloth. No bad papa cat! She was satisfied.

2 months after that bloody ‘accident’.
It was 7 pm, the same living room.
The weather was nice that evening.
The sky was still bright and Noni was sitting in front of the TV.

She was so focused on the movie that her mind was immersed in the story.
There was no cute little girl today.
There was only a slender, short-haired girl with a pair of dark brown eyes.
No more cute little girl.
Noni sighed quietly but her eyes stayed on the screen.

“Enough!” A man shout as he wiped the blood trickling from his lips.

“It’ll never be enough,” the girl answered.
She was panting and sweating heavily after struggling with the man.

The man looked at her with loath in his eyes.
In a second, he closed their distance as he cornered her into the kitchen wall.
Smirking, his eyes can already see his victory.

The girl shook her head.
Tears flowed down her cheeks.

“Don’t force me to do it,” she cried.

The man ignored her cries as he moved forward.
But his steps halted before he managed to reach the girl.
Slowly, he looked down, confused as to why it was getting harder for him to breathe.
His eyes widened in disbelief, looking at a flip knife that was directly impaled to his heart.

“I said… enough,” the girl muttered while trembling.
She pulled out the flip knife mercilessly.
Her eyes looked straight at the wound where blood flowed out like a waterfall despite its small size.
Unsatisfied, once again she stabbed him in cold blood.

“You…” The man’s word was cut off as blood poured out from his neck.
He tried to stop the blood using his hands but to no avail.

The girl just shook her head.
Her eyes watched as the blood overflowed from the big gash on the man’s neck.
She took a step back as his body slowly fell forward, in the middle of his pool of blood.
The scene changed.

Noni watched the scene without any expression.
Only her eyes blinked as usual.

“Noni, help Papa with the laundry if it rains, okay?”

Mama’s voice distracted Noni from her movie.
Her heart started to pound as she saw Mama and big sister coming out of the room wearing proper clothes.

“Mama, I want to go with you.” Noni stood up and walked towards Mama.
Her eyes glimmered with hope.

“Nope.
Noni just stays at home.
It will be troublesome for me if you follow since I need to buy a lot of groceries.” Mama answered strictly.

“Noni just stays with Papa,” Papa who was sitting on the bench suddenly interrupted.
With a soft tone, he said, “Don’t you have a lot of homework? If you don’t finish it, you will be scolded by your teacher.”

Noni swallowed her saliva.
Her eyes started to wet with tears.
“Please, Mama… can I? I can help you carry the groceries.” she pleaded, her small hands grabbing Mama’s cloth.

Mama inhaled deeply.
She pushed Noni’s hands.
“Noni, please don’t act like this.
You need to stay at home with Papa.
Mama just wants to buy groceries.
Mama will buy you a doll, okay?”

Noni shook her head aggressively.
Tears fell down her cheeks.

“I want to… I want to.” she held on to Mama’s clothes even tighter.
If possible, she didn’t even want to release her hands.

Sadly, Mama snatched it from her hold, roughly.
Mama’s face started to turn red with anger.

“Why are you so stubborn today? Last night, I already brought you out for dinner.
I bought you that storybook you really wanted.
Why can’t you listen to me for a second?” Mama’s voice getting louder and louder.

Noni turned silent.
She looked at the floor.
More and more tears flowed down her cheeks, dropping to the floor.

“Noni…” Papa tried to console her.
He looked at Mama with a smile.
“It’s fine, Mama.
Just go.
She’ll cool down soon.
Don’t forget to buy us some rojak1.”

Mama smiled wide.
Big sister also smiled while wearing her shoes.
Meanwhile, Noni stayed sobbing beside the wall, looking at Mama leaving her alone.

“Mama…” Noni called quietly as Mama’s car drove out and Papa started to close the door.

“Noni…” Papa softly called.
His right hand held the little girl’s back.

She brushed him off.
Noni tried to run but he quickly grabbed her arm.
He was hurting her again.
Her dried cheeks were once again wet with tears. No, papa! No! Noni shouted in her heart.
Her throat was parched.

He didn’t let her go, instead