About Your Pride and My Prejudice

Chapter 62: I Don’t Love You Anymore

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(T/N: Alan now addresses Melissa as “당신” which literally means, ‘Dear’, ‘Darling’, ‘My Love’, ‘Honey’.
In short it’s a very sweet way of using ‘you’.
So I’ll use these words whenever he addresses her as “당신”)

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What did I just hear?

“What do you mean….”

“Exactly what I just said”

Alan responded casually, touching the corner of his eyes.  As if talking about the weather or past social events.

“While I was looking for a place to stay in the Principality, I found this old-fashioned mansion.
There’s a dungeon here.”

…So, you mean you bought this mansion to let me go through the scene of waking up in a cold dungeon?  Just for such an absurd reason?

“Because only a few hundred years ago, prisoners of war were common, so it is not surprising.”

With a stunning picturesque smile, and behind his back a dazzling summer was draped like waves.
It’s late afternoon autumn of the beginning of the year, with shadows hanging down in the shape of leaves.

“That means…”

I suddenly became angry at the fact that the season outside and he, who was hiding his dark thoughts more than anyone else, were so beautiful.

“You can keep me there again… does it mean…?”

“If you desire?” 

“…….”

As I made no reply with a red face, Alan smiled slowly once more.
Like a predator with its prey in front……  very lazily.

“I don’t plan to do that because the purpose has been achieved.”

Not long after he rang the bell on the table, a trolley containing tea and refreshments entered the office.

Of course I was at a loss for words.
Does he think this conversation is something to talk about while drinking tea? How I am facing him right now…… Do you really think I’m going to let this slide?

“Drink.”

“…….”

Instead of answering, I took a deep breath, waiting for the maids to leave the office, and when he and I were left alone again, I squeezed the hem of my clothes tightly.
It was an alternative to biting my lip.

“Why did you kidnap me?”

I was confused, but I had something to say.

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“…of course, listening to your answer doesn’t mean I’ll forgive you.”

“I don’t mean to insult your family, but have you been taught to speak that way to the person who saved your life?”

“Save…?”

“You’re a very demanding woman.”

Cold eyes and strangely twisted lips, as if they didn’t contain any emotion.
At that sight I felt my blood cool down slowly.

“You said you wouldn’t chase me anymore! And then you’ll be on board, and you were with those filthy men too……!”

“That’s too much of a misunderstanding.”

“What?”

Alan’s head tilted gently.
It was as if my dull heart was being cut out by that bored gaze.

“I have no hobby of drugging women.
There’s no his highness anywhere and I was simply on my way to the principality, Miss Melissa Collins.”

“But there must have been other ships, why—”

“If it’s not that ship, what ship do you want me to take?”

“…….”

The only option for him is the ship that some people will never ride in their lifetime.
He gives me a sense of deprivation without fail.
The inside of my throat stung like a thorn.

“Well, how do you explain my presence here and what I’m here for? How am I supposed to understand this situation?”

“Are you trying to live up to my expectations? Or… “

Alan, who muttered in a low-pitched voice, continued, stroking the snow-white cravat.

“I brought you here, didn’t I? My dear”

“What are you talking about…?”

“I thought I offered you a helping hand, darling.
When you were in danger.”

After he had finished speaking, Alan lifted his cup and drank tea silently.
I am angry at the absurd nonsense, but I am fascinated by his unruly appearance.I hated myself for being angered by that absurd nonsense, yet appreciating his innocence as if possessed, as I was overcome with the urge to kiss the small, shaky neck of the neck.

“…Say it so I can understand why you kidnapped me here.”

“Ha,”

He burst into laughter as the teacup and saucer collided softly.
Then he looked at me again.
It was a sharp gaze that pierced my body and even penetrated my heart.

“I like your novel, dear because it changed my daily life.”

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“This…”

I was at a loss for words.

Yes, he was my one and only muse.  All of my writing contains Alan in one form or another.
So, at first glance, it may sound like there is no more ecstatic praise than this, but……, I’ve never shown Alan my novel.

He used a secret method that was never allowed, at his will.

Did he take out a notebook from the carriage that took me home on the day of the heavy snow? Maybe he has already read the novel I sent to the academy because in Florin, it’s faster to count the things he can’t do than the things he can do.

The point is that if you thought I would be happy with this kind of praise, it would be all your misunderstanding…….
Just because you’re my source of inspiration doesn’t mean that all my writings are written in the hope that you’ll see.

I opened my eyes again.

“Are you trying to say that I am the cause of this? I never meant to do that, as long as you……!”

“Yes, Melissa.
Darling, you are not the cause.
It’s all up to me.”

“That……Is that what you are going to say now?”

His brazen and arrogant manner made my hands tremble.

Alan Leopold, whom I’ve been watching for years, has always been at the center of the topic, but never got close to people.
I just assumed it was due to his unsocial nature.
I shuddered at the fact that there was a little commonality between Alan, who was infinitely dazzling wherever he was, and me, who floated around like dust.

Why didn’t I know? All those sides of Alan Leopold…….

“Why are you so angry? Dear I’ve never done you any harm.”

“…….”

“I’ve only given you what you wanted.”

The fact that it was due to his arrogance.

“The things I want…..?”

Alan moved his lips as if he had been waiting.

“I’ve taken you out of the house and the society you’ve been so eager to leave.
There’s no need to suffer from unwanted marriage anymore.”

“I—”

“And the Principality of Lunoa, which you have longed for…….
Oh, forget about the academy the royal family offered you.
I will create a much better environment for you.”

“It’s trash….!”

“An environment where you can write your novel.
This, too, is what you wanted, dear.”

He alternated between provoking opposition and acceptance and confused me.
He provoked opposition and acceptance alternately, confusing me.  But in the next words, I lost all my fighting spirit.

“And lastly darling, what you want… your Alan Leopold,” 

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“…….”

“Do you still have something to say?”

Alan’s manner, which seemed to be easily shaken off, encouraged me to pour tea on him.

“I… I don’t want you.”

Alan eyebrows slowly moved up and down as he stared at me, who murmured while clenching my teeth.
His beautiful eyebrows that I loved…….

Perhaps I should pour tea on myself.

“Really? Your love letter was too desperate.”

The moment he scoffed in a low voice, I experienced the sensation of blood rushing all over my face.
I felt dizzy as if my head were going to explode.

“That love letter…..! It’s just some poetry, It’s true that it’s about you, but I—”

“If only I could have only one season in my life…….”

Ha ha, 

I held my breath and shut my mouth.

“I will live a winter that resembles you.  It was an impressive pitch.”

“…….”

“If dawn makes your eyes water, and if only I could become the wind and stroke your hair and cheeks, I  could throw away my soul.… You even wrote that you wanted to be my shadow.”

He remembered all the contents of the poem, which were not fully etched in my mind.
How can I describe this feeling? A sense of humiliation?

But that’s a poem I wrote…….
Can I really say that he is insulting me?

“…….”

I felt my back get wet and bit my soft lip painfully.
An unbearably difficult moment was passing by.

“It’s the first time I’ve seen such an explicit love poem.”

“I… “

“I don’t know how far you imagined me…….
I don’t know.”

He laughed slyly.
I felt completely bullied.
At the same time, it is a terrifying thing to think of me in a dream of passionately pressing my lips down all over Alan Leopold’s face and body.

Twisting over my endless thirst for him, I I rushed to drink every drop from him* —I am truly vuglar and he was so modest.…..
I can’t even picture how indecent I must have looked.
Indecently spreading my legs.

(*she’s referring to her sex dreams)

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“Your face is red,”

His hand covered his mouth, as if he couldn’t stand it because it was funny.  But the eyes that looked at me were not smiling at all.  Rather, he was hiding a chill.

A dreadful thought suddenly came to mind.
Could it be that he was displeased with my one-sided love? The love poem that I poured out without hiding my love for him was so terrible that it was clearly engraved in his memory……?

Indeed, I had received a letter from a stalker with these words.

What if all this was done to retaliate against me? What if it really is?

But I didn’t mean to deliver that poem……….
My heart was on fire, and I was afraid that the spark would burn me down, so I had to throw up somehow.

It was an accident that the letter got into his hands.
It’s not my will.….

“I… sin……!”

“…….”

…..But is this something to be sorry about?

When you’re being courted by someone you don’t want, you just have to politely decline it.  Besides, it wasn’t even a proper courtship.

There is no law anywhere that it is okay to torment people in this way just because they receive a letter of one sided heart.
I don’t even love Alan Leopold anymore.

I decided to take out the greatest courage I could.
I couldn’t help my eyelashes trembling wildly, but I moved my lips without taking my eyes off him.

“I’ve had a crush on you for quite a long time…… It’s true.”

“It sounds like it’s all in the past.”

“Yes, not any more.”

Then Alan froze.

“I won’t deny what happened in the past.
But just because you were offended by my feelings…… It can’t be the reason for all the bad things you’ve done to me, Sir Alan.”

“…….”

“I’m telling you, I don’t love you anymore.
There’s nothing left but hatred.
All my memories of you are painful, even at this moment…….”

“Melissa Collins,”

At last, when his sharp voice called my name, my words were swallowed up.

“Are you serious?”

 

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